Is it worth it?
by edwardXD
Summary: Bella finally thinks about the fact that she could never have a baby. is it worth it? one- shot. PLEASE READ &REVIEW!


I clutched my stomach. I was lying in my bed, I had just woken up from dreaming about Edward and how happy our family would be. It wasn't until I woke up that I realized something was wrong. In my dream, we had had a child.

I clutched my stomach tighter. I could never have a baby. My fiancé was well… what some people would call… a vampire. He was well, unfertile? I guess that's the only way to explain it.

I had thought about this so many times before, so why did it hurt so much now? Because, in my dream not only did I have a child, but I loved her. Not more than I loved Edward though, so there was no reason to torture myself with these thoughts. I would be with Edward forever and that's that. I could never live without Edward, and I could live without a child.

Still, I clutched my stomach tighter. This is one of the only nights im without Edward because he went hunting.

The tears starting flowing. I felt them, but not the sadness that always comes with tears. Why?

_Because you love Edward!_ My mind told me this continuously. Over, and over. But it couldn't convince me. My mind kept returning to the memories of me and the few friends I had when I was little, imagining having a family. Playing house, and whatnot. I was always positive that I would have a husband, and a family. Well, it was true. I had all the Cullens, but not a kid to call my own.

The tears were coming with sobs now. I clutched my stomach tighter. It was starting to hurt now, but I didn't care.

Was Edward worth it? Of course! But was giving a child up worth it? I could adopt one, but a child can't grow up in a house of vampires! Plus, I want one of my own. I banished these thoughts from my head. Edward's love was more than I ever expected, I was being selfish my expecting to get more. Life isn't perfect. Only Edward and god are.

That's it. Since I get such a perfect husband, life has to be evened out by stripping me of what I could feel with a child. Or, maybe I just wasn't a fit mother. Maybe, I would have ruined the child's life. Great, more tears. No, I won't blame myself. I have to use common sense and blame life. Life's not fair.

I clutched my stomach tighter. I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the tears, and I tried to think of Edward. But every time I saw his face, I saw the little baby girl from my dream. Not only had she been mine, but she had been mine and Edwards.

For the first time a thought struck me. Edward has been without a love for years and now he has me. He has always known he couldn't give anyone a kid. He would never have the love of a child either. My Edward has been strong, and there for me, and here I am almost strangling myself and crying on the only night he's actually gone. It was ridiculous.

Out of habit, I clutched my stomach tighter, and tighter. It was getting hard to breathe. This is where my child could be if I could ever have one. They would grow, live, and learn to love me in the very organs that I was squishing now.

I released my arms and sat up with my legs dangling off the bed. My breaths were long, and full.

Then the tears started coming again and I clutched my stomach again tighter than ever. The same thoughts that I cherished not long ago where haunting me now.

_This_ is where the baby would be, but yet it never will be. _This _is where the baby would grow, live, and learn to love me. BUT IT NEVER WOULD LOVE ME!

I cried like this for a few more seconds, and then came to 2 conclusions.

The baby would never know me so there was no reason to blame it for not loving me. But, I would always love what would have been.

If I didn't stop strangling myself, I would die.

At this moment I let go of myself and collapsed to the floor in surprise from the rush of air into my lungs.

"Bella? Bella!" Edward's velvety voice filled my ears.

I was okay now; I would live forever with the perfect man. _**PERFECT**_

He's perfect, and I'm in his arms. 

**This is just a one-shot. But I still want a lot of reviews. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**


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